Larry King and Tony Randall
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Guys take years to commit and have family Got no bio clocks, sure is handy So they wait till they're forty, fifty, sixty, eighty Or start another marriage, have another baby But don't be Larry King, don't be Tony Randall Have kids when you're old, too tough to handle You'll be nappin' in the lobby at Discovery Zone You'll go to wrestle with 'em, they'll break all your bones Women think they're still young, they'll be so forever Oprah's still not married, Barbra still wears leather They read it in line at the grocery store Technology makes mothers at 44 But don't be Cheryl Tiegs, don't be like Madonna Have kids when you're old, just because you wanna Drop them at Brownies while you dye your hair Dance at your son's wedding in a wheelchair Some say they're more patient as they're getting older But why's the noise seem louder and the winter colder? Be mistaken for granddad and mom Will they feed and medicate you on the night of the prom? Don't be Strom Thurmond, don't be Mick Jagger Have kids when you're getting old and haggard It'll feel like parental abuse, Eight straight readings, large type Dr. Seuss It's the age of choice, maybe we to too many Few see a good mate when, with love, there's plenty Used to be adults thought their actions through 'Cept when they wore plaid shorts and beehive hairdos But don't be Woody Allen, don't be Saul Bellow Try to prove you're young when you're a creaky fellow Feel lazy while your mind gets hazy Studies show old seed can make kids crazy You'll be nappin' in the lobby at discovery Zone Au pair plays horsey with 'em, cause they broke all your bones
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